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Well, what to make of all this?

I’m stuck between places - mentally, anyways. Physically, taking into account my current state of ambivalence and the 10,000 or so miles that separate me from Boston, that puts me somewhere…. in the Pacific Ocean. Which is what life in Wellington feels like right now. Aimlessness is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be deadly if not dissuaded within a reasonable amount of time. Sure, I’m sad. New Zealand has been a fantastic, accommodating, warm and welcoming country with really generous people — some I’ve grown quite fond of. On the flip side, however, I couldn’t be more excited about coming home and heading back to school in Chicago. And yes, the prospect of enduring another winter isn’t appealing in the least. That said, those familiar friends and places still feel miles away and come with their own anxieties and apprehensions.

I’ll be executive producing a major concert event at NU in May (Dillo Day, with about 6,000+ attendees), returning to work in a new building at school (they relocated the film office), living in a new place (first apartment), potentially returning to work at a retailer that shall not be named, and getting back into the academic swing of things and facing the reality that I’m over the halfway hump in terms of college education. Scary. It should be a great ride.

It’s an exciting time for the country as well - Election 2008 fever has died down to more of a dull, “Let’s Get This S–t Over With” Roar - but there exists the very real possibility (if not certainty) that the United States of America will have a minority President. And that’s fantastic. The state of affairs in the US is far worse than it seems to most people and it will certainly be an uphill battle for whoever occupies the oval office, but there’s hope in the air. And though I could foresee the country disintegrating into a second civil war if a certain Republican nominee is elected, hope is still a powerful political asset.

Then there’s the frustrating aspect to all of this: I’m essentially missing this election. I missed all of the fanfare, the build-up and the excitement of the event. There’s a certain helplessness with being so far away, which is funny because being in this position also provides a whole lot of perspective - namely that Americans are incredibly self-centered, but that’s beside the point.

If we assume for an instant that I haven’t learned a great deal about NZ culture or society, or met a wide range of interesting people, or encountered some new and different ways of living, I’ve still come away with a better understanding of myself and my position in the world. Maybe not a better one, per se, but a different, enriched one. You could probably attribute this to a renewed sense of self as an American - what does it mean to be different? To be in the minority? The other? It’s a puzzling position to be in and one that most of us (us as in Americans) probably won’t encounter because, let’s be honest, America isn’t exactly the melting pot that it envisions itself as. Sure, we’ve all felt uncomfortable at some point: speaking in front of a large audience, being forced into an awkward situation, sitting in a chair for too long, etc. But what does it mean to feel uncomfortable and to feel this way because of where you’re from — not your neighborhood, or your city, because this does happen — but your country? What does it mean to feel self-conscious not about the way you speak, the way you carry yourself, but the way your country and your government represents itself in the global sphere?

Needless to say, it’s been an eye-opening challenge. Most people are genereally forgiving (at least here in New Zealand) and I can’t speak to any other parts of the world, really, but there is an overwhelming sense that if we don’t right this ship in the next few years and assert ourselves not as a global power — not as leaders of the free world — but as just a small piece of the world community, then we are headed for basically a nationwide collapse. To borrow a sports cliche, we’ve got to be team players, simple as that. But it never is, is it?

I certainly didn’t intend for this post, or this blog in general, to get very political but I thought these were observations worth pointing out and are among just some of the things I’ve noticed since being here. Still, I can’t believe how quickly time has passed and how little time I have remaining here in NZ. I will truly miss it.